I finally came to terms a week or two ago with the fact that I was moderately depressed. This doesn't happen often for me, so the realization was rather striking, and it's not something I relish. I generally feel as though I have a fairly good read on what's going on in my head, and with those pesky little "emotion" things.... But alas, this is not always the case, and I guess that the ending of the season, being away from my fiance, and having all of my friends around here go back to school for the year combined into a perfect storm of boredom-feeding depression. I'm feeling a bit better now, perhaps due to the relapse of summer-like weather, but I shall most likely need to fight to keep this issue under control for the rest of the winter.
Perhaps due to the above-mentioned depression, or even simply coinciding with it, I have lost just about all interest in anything. It's slightly terrifying. I don't want to play piano, or even really music at all. I don't want to read or do anything active. Surprisingly, I don't even want to play video games. When I get home, I just want to veg in front of the television for a few hours and then go to sleep....unfortunately, I also have been having trouble falling alseep, despite the fact that I'm exhausted like all the time. This has led to one of the more distinctive spirals of: Get up, feel like crap, have caffeine to wake up, work, come home exhausted, not be able to sleep until 2am, get up at six feeling more like crap, have caffeine to wake up, eat badly because you're late and feel like crap, work, etc. And the more I feel like crap, the more I eat like crap, and the more I have no desire to do anything. It sucks because intellectually, I want to enjoy these things. I even manage to be engaging intellectually all day at work in my head, but when it comes to actually doing so when I have time, I have no motivation. Obviously, this is better than it was (I'm writing on here...), but it's still there as an undercurrent. And I'm still having trouble sleeping. But onto brighter things:
Some fun new links:
lewrockwell.com
mises.org
They've been keeping me busy for a while now, and in the case of mises.org, supplying me with podcasts to listen to while I work. In any case, good articles in both, and lewrockwell's blog is filled with a lot of good day-to-day posts about everything from philosophy of human action, to economics, to history, to politics, to why you should, as a good American, be for drug legalization and against all and any taxes.
I'm considering starting a blog for short, politically and economically centered posts, mostly just to stop boring all of you with that stuff.... but because I do have a decent amount to say regarding those topics, it might be a good "out" for me so as to get it off my chest. Should be fun.
Planning the next section/chapter in my RPG for next summer is going to be fun. Now if only I would work on it when I have the time...
Watched "The Social Network" last night. Wasn't planning on watching it, but I was having trouble getting to sleep, and it was on Starz. My thoughts: Surprisingly interesting and good. Jesse Eisenberg carried the show, and was brilliant. Aaron Sorkin's dialog, as usual, made for an enjoyable watch, even though it is a very different type of production than his usual. One thought I had was this; how much of "Network" was true to life, and how much was Sorkin Storytelling Magic? I'm certainly not predisposed to like Zuckerberg, but Network made him out to be an especially dynamic villain, who manages both fascinate and annoy. It's good film, but how much can we infer from it about the reality of the matter?
Beernerdiness: Found a really enjoyable brew recently. New Belgium's 1554 Enlightened Black Ale. Not quite the usual micro brew that I try to support, but I find that I generally really like New Belgium's products. And 1554 is superb. Refreshing, crisp, with little aftertaste while still remaining smooth and with a hint of molasses. Supposedly from a medieval recipe, it tastes a bit like an oatmeal stout but goes down like an ale. Delicious.
2 comments:
Heh. I've been a bit down as of late as well, though for mostly different reasons. I know exactly what you mean about losing all interest in everything. I hate that feeling; wanting to want to do something. . . . Yeah. I actually MADE myself play the piano today. MADE myself. I don't know if I've ever had to MAKE myself play the piano before.
But anyway. I'll pray it passes quickly for you, and that it doesn't stay connected with the non-summer.
Hey Evan, take care of yourself buddy. There are a gazillion people around (me at the top of the list) that think you are the greatest. Try reading through the Psalms as a prayer book, praying them out loud one by one. They are a safe way (that God has given us!)to express the varieties of emotional undulations that are the bane of the human experience. Your life is splendidly on track and you are in the place you should be. Have patience with yourself and your circumstances - you are just climbing up on the launching pad.
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